An Attempt to Reach Freedom

He was young. No teenager, but under 30 years of age.

He was handsome. No sports fanatic but sometimes he put his ass to the gym and worked out to stay in shape.

He was no stupid guy. No Einstein, but smarter than the average person.

And he was living with a lovely family. A little sister, a caring mother, an intelligent father and likeable grandparents. He loved them all.

But there were other persons he liked as well. He had about half a dozen close friends. He loved them all.

But he was not free. And he felt it. He hated it. His feelings limited him.

He felt that all those persons he loved seemed to need him. He felt that they would miss him if he went away. So he couldn’t go away. Imprisoned by his own emotions. He wanted to break out.

But he didn’t want to hurt the feelings of the persons he loved. So how could he ever get rid of his feelings? How can one get rid of limiting feelings towards relatives and friends? …

He shot his sister. She was dead in the blink of an eye. Headshot! Her brain blown out with the first shot.

His parents got killed by one of his two car bombs, his grandparents got killed by the other. They didn’t even notice the death bringing explosion. Like actors who don’t notice if you turn off your television. Making them disappear.

He poisoned all of his close friends. It was that strong kind of poison. They died fast. It happened as abruptly as a car crash. You’re sitting in your car, unhurriedly driving, and a split second later you see the face of death. Jumping right at you. Boom! Then silence.

Nobody suffered. They just died. Disappeared. Fast and certain. Their lifes did just end. And he stopped having limiting emotions.

Finally, he was free! So he went away, searching for a sense.

He visited all different countries, talked to all different kinds of people, observed animals and landscapes, buildings made by humans, bird’s nests, different shapes of clouds, sand and water.

He saw all the beauty of the world, but without love, there was no sense.

“Life without love is no life at all.” That’s what he mumbled with the cold barrel of his loaded gun pressing against the back of his throat, tears running down his cheeks.