Almost all kinds of perfectionism include some definition of looking perfect and there are some different approaches to describe perfect looks. I’ll explain some of them to help you finding the definition you want to use for yourself. Take a look at these:

1. Comparison with other persons. This one is bad. And very common at the same time. A lot of people take the looks of a famous model or actor and start trying to look the same. Or wanting to look the same, as they don’t know how to come closer to this goal. The truth is that you are another person. And so you will always look different.
2. Others will tell you. You can also define looking perfect as getting the best feedback from other people. And that’s what you should do. … Not? Of course not! There are two major problems with this one: First, you can only guess what others will like, so you don’t really know which steps to take to come closer to this goal. Second, there is no perfect feedback at all. So you will never be completely satisfied with your own looks.
3. Having no flaws. Okay.. So you want to have no flaws? But in reality you got them? Your nose is too big or your fingers are crooked? Let’s see… There is plastic surgery so you could possibly fix them all! Great! Nah, I’m just kidding, You would probably end up as some kind of malformed barbie doll. Because you wouldn’t run out of faults. You won’t look like your ideal. … Wait! Ideal? Yes, or how do you define a flaw? Basically, this one brings you back to the previous points. Yeah, plastic surgery is okay in some extreme cases but really take some time to think before you do it. And of course, there are some things you can change without surgery. You can loose weight if you wish. But overweight is also a health issue so that might be another story..
4. Expressing yourself. I might need to explain what that’s supposed to mean. Well, it’s kinda hard to say. It means, that looking perfect is equal to looking like you truly are. Show who you are by your looks. Not trying to be someone else. Not being afraid of what society might think about your looks. It’s about looking in the mirror and seeing yourself. I know, it’s somehow hard to grasp but that’s a definition you can use. It’s still more of a challenge than you might think. It’s not that easy.

You see, the first three approaches (which are all very common) highly rely on external factors. They lead to unrealistic goals, goals that can not be reached. In the end they lead to aimless perfectionism. The fourth apporach is way better. It provides a reachable goal that probably still challenges you.

So hopefully, you rethink your own definition of looking perfect. And how you really come closer to that goal.

Thinking about it got me to write an article about aimless perfectionism, which covers the most basic misconception about perfectionism: Not knowing what being perfect means. You have to know what your perfectionism is all about! This is the first essential step.

But it doesn’t stop at that point. Let’s talk about a concrete negative aspect of perfectionism: The fear of making mistakes.

Almost all perfectionists know the fear of making mistakes. It’s something that constantly troubles you if you are a perfectionist. This constant trouble is the base of almost all other negative effects of perfectionism.

What I found out is: This fear of making mistakes is based on a single misconception. Phew, that’s great thing to hear, isn’t it? This means you can get rid of a lot of negative effects of perfectionism by correcting one misconception!

So how to correct this misunderstanding?

There are no mistakes by nature. So what does making a mistake actually mean? Does it mean failing at a test or getting a bad response to any of your actions? Don’t scream ‘yes’ at that point! If that’s what you mean, then you can’t avoid making mistakes! Mistakes are not about the outcome of your actions. I know, it might be a common definition of making a mistake, but the mass is not always right.

So what does making a mistake really mean? It means not acting according to your beliefs in any particular situation. And that’s something very different. You can always act according to your beliefs.

If you keep that in mind you will get rid of some unnecessary burdens, to say the least. You might need some time to get used to this new conception but once you got used to it, you will enjoy the freedom it causes.

Your perfectionist fears will vanish. And most of the other negative aspects of perfectionism will vanish as well. You will be able to let go and still be a perfectionist. A combination that I myself wouldn’t have thought to be possible some weeks ago.

You know, I think a lot about perfectionism. And sometimes, perfectionism seems to be unlogical. It seems to bear some paradoxons.

One example: A typical perfectionist’s fear of failure is always holding him back. It takes away possibilities to learn and explore. It sets artificial limits.

Well, paradoxons are always a clear sign of some logical fault, so I tried to find out what’s behind them. One key issue seems to be that lots of (or even most) perfectionists don’t seem to know what they define as perfect. They try to be perfect without knowing what being perfect actually means to them.

How effective can this possibly be? You have to be very lucky to move into the right direction to say the least! If your goal is not clearly defined, then you have no goal. In that case you’re on an aimless journey, my friend! You should think about your aim before starting to jump into random directions.

So what does being perfect mean to you? Which parts of yourself can be improved? How would you notice your improvement? Think about it.

Also ask yourself if your concept of being perfect is realistic. Unrealistic goals are about as bad as nonexistent goals. Your goals shouldn’t be dependent on chance either. Or which steps are you about to take to influence chance?

You may write your thoughts down. Having a list describing the perfect you would also be a nice idea. You could update it from time to time and check your progress.

Anyway, if you thought about your aim long enough, some paradoxons and other issues will start to disappear.

I did it myself and it helped big time to improve. For me, being perfect means being yourself and acting according to your beliefs. If you think about the example from the top of this article again you will see that this concept of perfection will do much better to get you through situations that would scare aimless perfectionists.

In fact, ‘failing’ will change its meaning if you change your concept of perfection. For me, ‘failing’ means not being yourself, not acting accordning to your beliefs in any particular situation. As you see, this is also a somewhat more stable goal. And it’s a goal that can be reached. What more can you ask for?

But why is that? Why exactly? What are the disadvantages of being a perfectionist? Of trying to be perfect?

That’s what I want to answer in this article. (Of course, there are benefits as well but that’s just not what this article is about.)

Let’s just jump to the negative effects of perfectionism:

• Low productivity: As a perfectionists you tend to pay a lot of attention to unimportant details. So you usually need longer to write articles complete other work.
• Psychic instability: People are not perfect. And moments of failure haunt you. In times of (even little) failure, you may hate yourself for being imperfect. This can result in low self-esteem and depression.
• More stress: If you want to be perfect in every way, then you put yourself under a huge constant unhealthy pressure. This can also lead to increased nervousness and therefore increased chance of failure.
• Constant fear of failure: Fear is bad enough on its own. The problem is, that you also act less because of this constant fear. Paradoxically, this also means that you miss chances to improve yourself.
• Less enjoyment: Just letting go is quite pleasant. The problem is that perfectionists usually can’t just let go. It’s also because of the previous point. A perfectionist doesn’t want to let go because he fears the possible consequences of losing control for a moment. It seems to be a basic perfectionistic belief that you need to control everything if you want to be perfect.

All in all, extreme perfectionism can have really horrible consequences. It’s a strive for perfectionism that doesn’t end. A strive for perfectionism that can destroy you.

In most of its different forms, perfectionism seldom makes you smile. It rather takes away your smile. But in case you’ve ever tried to change such a deep-rooted attitude you should know that it’s extremely hard to get rid of it. And it takes a lot of time.