But sometimes I wanted to get rid of fear. Completely. The idea of being free of negative emotions made me curious. Being free of all those unnecessary emotions ordinary people do experience. Being somehow independent of my own fortune. I thought this might be the kind of perfection I was searching for. So I took some time to think about it.

At first I thought that it might work. I thought that the absence of worries and troubles might come naturally if you become wise.

But suddenly some questions came to my mind: Would I have to deny my roots to loose my fears? Would I even have to deny large parts of myself? Could my emotional state possibly be like a pendulum? So that I would have to take away all of its momentum to get rid of all negative emotions? This would also include getting rid of my personality…

Loosing my own personality would be a big sacrifice. Too big in my opinion. So I continued thinking.

Suppressing negative emotions can’t be the solution. But you can’t just cut off the unpleasant parts of your life and throw them away. It won’t work. They belong to you. And don’t negative feelings intensify life’s pleasant moments? I do think so. All of our emotions are a part of ourselves. And we better be careful with destroying parts of ourselves.

In my opinion, the only way to get rid of all fears, worries and troubles includes literally losing yourself. Mental suicide. Well, the whole concept of a self might be an illusion, but ain’t it a beautiful and exciting illusion?

Wisdom probably helps a lot to handle your emotions and I still want to learn to handle them better. There’s nothing wrong with that. But I accept my fears now.

I accept all of my negative feelings. I don’t want to get rid of them anymore. I want to live my life with all of its different facets. I want to see life in all its different colors, smell all its different odors, feel its different shapes. I want to experience sorrow and pain as well as pleasure and happiness.

Denying myself is not the answer. I love myself. I know that it makes me vulnerable but would you want to get rid of love only because you might risk getting hurt if you love?